he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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