playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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