I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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