the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
