someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The Olympian is in my bed
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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