Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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