Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
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Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
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We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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