I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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