So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
