did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
