After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
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I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
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YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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