Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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