I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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