Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
