should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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