How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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