Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
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Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
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Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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