he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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