Someone shit on the floor
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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