i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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