If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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