im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
