I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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