also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Barsexuality is the new black.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Randomize
