I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
