so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize