they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
