paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Actions speak louder than pants.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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