I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
