The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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