There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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