Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
