so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
