Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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