I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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