we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
