Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
