I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
