If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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