Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
