so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
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You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'd cum for enchiladas.
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Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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