he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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