He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize