If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
