Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
