I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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