I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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