Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
my nose is crying tears of wow.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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