I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
