He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
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