Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
