4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
