Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
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I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
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I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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