Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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