Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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