my room smells like sperm. sweet.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Life is so much better after having sex.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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