he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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