Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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