I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The power of my boobs compel you
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
