I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
This house was built for laser tag.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
