the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
