Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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