i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
