At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i now understand why vodka
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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